How to Start Loving Your Reflection, According to a Stylist

There’s a saying that I often share with my clients:

What we focus on, we continue to notice and experience to the exception of everything else.

For example, when you hear a new song on the radio that you fall in love with, and all of a sudden, it’s playing everywhere you go. Every time you’re in the car, entering the shops, or hitting shuffle on your Spotify playlist, the song seems to come on. This is because it is front of mind, we know it, we are familiar with it, and thus, our brain is wired to continue to listen out for it.

It is the same when we look at our own reflection. When it comes to looking in the mirror, we are experts at focusing on the same thing. And for most of us, we often distort that image in the mirror in our minds. With that in mind, it’s no wonder that Dove’s research into the state of beauty found that 68% of Australian women agree that everyone has something beautiful about them. And 70% of women and 69% of girls with low body esteem said they are ‘their own worst critic’.

I think now more than ever, we recognise that we all deserve to feel confident and beautiful, just the way we are. As a stylist, my job is to help my clients see their beauty and feel confident. But that is often easier said than done. It’s funny how we spend so many years in school and the education system, yet no one ever teaches you how to really love yourself…

So, here are some tips I’ve learnt through my client’s stories and my own personal experience with negative body image on how to start loving your reflection.

You need to shift your focus

As I mentioned before: what you focus on, you will continue to experience and notice to the exception of everything else. I remember, one of my clients could not see past what she thought were ‘big hips’. But while she had been so busy focusing on this area of her body, she failed to notice her great waist, her incredible décolletage, and that she actually had really great proportions and balance through her body. Once we worked together and shifted her focus to her attributes, these were what she continued to notice. Shifting your focus to areas that are attributes or positives can really help shape the way you will see yourself.

Question what you see on social media

Confession: I once edited a photo of myself in a bikini for Instagram. I’m not proud of it. But I was pretty self-conscious about some cellulite that was dotted across my butt and thighs. Now I’m no social media influencer with hundreds of thousands of followers, but I eventually replaced that post with the unedited version. Why? Because I was giving people a false impression. My body does have cellulite. I’m a woman for crying out loud! Of course, it does! And it really made me stop and consider that what I see on other people’s Instagram is often an edited version of who they are. The ‘highlight reel’ of photoshopped swimwear and lingerie images. So, if you are someone who looks up to others who you believe to have the ‘ideal’ body, stop and question if it’s all real. This bring me to my next point.

Unfollow people who make you feel crap

As a stylist I love a good cull—clean out the closet of what no longer serves and what no longer makes you feel good, like those daggy old bras and briefs. Your social media accounts should be treated the same. If you are someone who feels worse about themselves after your evening scroll through socials, start breaking down why that is. Are the people you follow sending a message that is not conducive to your happiness? If so, put them in the bin! You will feel so much better for it.

Take a compliment

How often do you receive compliments? If you’re sitting there saying ‘ahh never’, I challenge you to start taking more notice of the conversations you have. I can’t tell you how many women I work with, who, even while I’ve been out shopping with them, receive a genuine compliment, and then act like they didn’t even hear it. They are so quick to deflect the compliment with some kind of excuse, or worse, by drawing attention to their perceived ‘flaws’. In future, start to accept compliments as they come, and say a simple thank you. And then relish in that compliment, and how it made you feel, because you deserve it.

Stop judging others

Think about bullies for a second. We are often told that bullying occurs because of the person’s own insecurities and fears. And if this is true – judging others is exactly the same, we’re just not saying it to the person’s face. Start to look for beauty in others, and I guarantee, your own energy and idea around what constitutes being beautiful will shift, and you will start to notice it more and more—even within yourself.

Invest in you

Self-care is a buzzword I’ve been hearing a lot lately. Self-care is literally taking care of yourself. I know, mind blown! Now for some people, eating cheese and locking yourself inside is quality time. No judgement here…but I am talking about getting deep into rituals and habits that make you feel good. For me, I am a skin care addict. Give me a good face mask, a bubble bath, and some hyaluronic acid, and I am in heaven. Nothing makes me feel better than knowing I am looking after my skin. For others it’s their diet, exercise, talking to a psychologist, spending time with their family, meditation…actually I am a big advocate of all of these things. Oh, and let’s not forget retail therapy, like treating yourself to a new piece of lingerie or a self-love pack! But whatever it is for you, take the time to invest in it. Start to recognise that you deserve those things that make you feel good, and you will start to shift the way you see yourself.

We only get one life, and yet, for many of us, we waste it focusing on the things that we perceive as flaws when we look in the mirror. And that kind of mindset is the one that haunts us every day, in everything we do. If you’re ok with that kind of life, cool. But I can tell you right now that life on the other side—a life where you like the person staring back at you in the mirror—is far more exciting and fulfilling. You should try it sometime.

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