Unfortunately, it’s not an uncommon experience: looking in the mirror and finding things about yourself to pick at and criticise. So how can you learn to love your appearance?
According to the Butterfly Foundation, nearly half of Australia’s 12 to 18-year-olds are dissatisfied with the way their body looks. On top of that, more than 90 per cent have some level of body concern. These numbers are alarmingly high. They highlight the concern that as a society we put unfair pressure and expectations on each other when it comes to our appearances.
Many of us feel that there is a way we are ‘supposed’ to look. Logically, we probably know that’s not true. There is no ‘right’ way for anyone to look — but that doesn’t change the reality that it can feel this way at times.
If you’re finding yourself feeling like this, start by reminding yourself that the expectations of others when it comes to your appearance do not matter. Try to remember that the pressure we often put on ourselves is often completely unrealistic and unnecessary.
If you’re looking for some strategies to lift yourself up and learn how to love your appearance, try some of the following.
Reflect on your idea of beauty
To start, it’s important to question your very idea of beauty. What does beauty look like to you and where did your ideas of it come from? It’s more than likely your perception of beauty has been shaped by the media. From the movies, TV shows and music videos you watch to the YouTubers and Instagram influencers you follow on socials, media has without a doubt contributed to the homogenisation of beauty ideals.
It’s no secret women tend to be objectified in the media. You’ve probably unknowingly contributed to the judgement yourself. I mean, we all remember (and still know of) the magazine headlines and paparazzi photos picking public figures apart. From Britney Spears to Meghan Markle, no woman in the media has escaped scrutiny for the way she looks.
Once you understand where your ideas of what constitutes beauty come from, you can throw away the media-defined ideals and start by setting your own definition.
Stop comparing yourself to others
From filters and photo editing to studio lighting and professional hair and makeup teams and hours in the glam chair, your favourite celebrities and influencers (and sometimes even your peers) don’t look like the photos they post most of the time. A lot of the time, you won’t know about all of the effort that goes into making someone look the way they do — whether it’s for a magazine cover, on the set of a movie or even something as seemingly innocent as an Instagram post.
I write all this to say that modern beauty standards aren’t attainable for the majority of people. With apps like Facetune and Instagram filters, there are so many ways to change the way you look at the touch of a button or swipe of the screen. So I think it’s safe to say a lot of the celebrities and influencers setting these standards don’t actually fit them in their everyday life either!
Focus on staying healthy
Take care of your physical, mental and emotional health. It’s easy to get caught up in how you look but that doesn’t mean you should neglect your health. Prioritise getting enough sleep every night. Incorporate some physical activity into your day, even if it’s just a 30-minute walk. Eat healthy, well-rounded meals and stay hydrated. Nurture your social side by connecting with friends and family. Looking after your physical health can also have a positive impact on not only your appearance but the way you look at the world.
While the health habits you follow can also affect your body image, so can the way you think about your habits. Do you think of exercise as a punishment or a daily routine that makes you feel good? Do you try to completely avoid unhealthy food or is your goal to eat nutritious meals? The key to setting goals for staying healthy is to reframe our behaviours. Don’t punish or shame yourself for not doing the “right” things all the time, and don’t frame your habits as “avoidance” goals. Instead, frame them as “approach” goals and things you want to do. When framed this way, your goals will be easier to achieve and you’ll feel a sense of pride when you reach them.
Surround yourself with positive people
Being around hyper-critical people who make unhelpful comments or offer unsolicited advice isn’t fun. It also won’t do you any good and can be detrimental to your mental health. Surround yourself with positive people who support and uplift you instead. Having a support system full of positivity can influence your outlook on life and make you more positive.
Start a mood board for outfit planning
Sometimes a new outfit truly can make all the difference in how we feel. But it can be hard to know what to buy. Not only what to buy but how to style it to achieve the look you’re going for. If you’re feeling stuck, create a mood board to help you form ideas, plan outfits and get creative. Pinterest is perfect for this. It allows you to easily create mood boards and quickly pin images and web pages.
If you’re more of a pen-and-paper person, make a physical mood board. Print out photos, cut pictures out of magazines and arrange them on some paper or cardboard. You can then add notes or whatever else you like to make it your own.
Don’t limit yourself to outfits, think about hairstyles, makeup and accessories too — you never know where you might find inspiration. Trying new things and letting your creative side out might make for new looks you never would’ve tried before. They might make all the difference when it comes to feeling a little more confident in your look. When you feel more confident, you start to love your appearance.
Take action
Once you’ve got an idea of where you want to take your look, it’s time to make it a reality. Work out exactly what new things you’d like to try with your look. By doing so, you put yourself in a much better position to actually try them. Without a clear direction, we often end up spending time and money on things we don’t love. This leaves us in the same position we started in. That’s why starting with a mood board, before making any decisions or purchases, is so crucial.
This step is the real fun part. It lets you see your vision come to life and allows you to reap the rewards of your hard work. Small changes can go a long way when it comes to a confidence boost. Whether it’s a great pair of jeans, new glasses or a change in hairstyle, small changes can do wonders.
Enjoy your new-found confidence
Once you’ve found ways to change up your appearance and create a look you feel more comfortable with, it’s time to get out and show the world. Remember that what’s important is that YOU feel good. Try not to worry too much about other people’s opinions. There’s a good chance they’re not as worried about your looks as you think they are.
Learning to love your appearance
Learning how to love your appearance is a journey — one that takes time, practice and patience. By redefining your idea of beauty, looking after your health and making small changes, you can quickly boost your confidence. Remember that nobody is perfect, they shouldn’t have to be, and that includes you!
If you’re ever finding yourself overwhelmed by self-consciousness, you should speak to a mental health professional. While it can be normal to feel a little self-conscious, it should never be at the detriment of your wellbeing, or affect your day-to-day activities.
